Sunday, March 26, 2006

Eddie Izzard Is God…and My Secret Husband

Last week BBC America ran a couple of Eddie Izzard comedy shows, Dressed To Kill and Circle. Now, I’ve seen Dressed To Kill at least three times now, but that didn’t stop me from watching it again, and Circle was new to me, and more recent as well. Damn, I love Eddie Izzard. He is the funniest thing on two legs (and platform heels); and, I’ve discovered, the sexiest thing too. It turns out I have sort of a thing for transvestites. Did I mention that Eddie is a transvestite? No? Well, he is. He’s not what you might call the most handsome man—if you are into Brad Pitt, well, you might not find Eddie all that attractive. But “pretty” doesn’t do it for me, I need a man with a moveable face, and Mr. Izzard is the king of facial expression; plus, he looks pretty awesome in Tammy Faye Bakker makeup and a glitter suit. The opening credits from Circle show him donning thigh-high lace-top black panty hose, and um, um baby, it gave me the vapors. Does that make me weird? No, it does not. (And I just lost my one reader in the Midwest. Oops.)

Speaking of Brad, has anyone complimented Angelina Jolie on her little Pitt yet? You know, ‘cause she’s a bit of a peach, and she has a little Pitt in there? No? Come on people! “Hello, we’re the Pitts.” “Hey, I’ve never seen a tomato with a Pitt before!” The jokes just tell themselves. Please, oh please Brad and Angie, if it’s a girl, please, please name her Peach, I beg you. Or Mango.

Anyway, back to Izzard. Two years ago, Girl Kid and I went down to ye olde Grand Illusion theater to see a showing of Alex Cox’s Revengers Tragedy, starring my main man. I got Mr. Cox’s autograph and everything. We knew the show would sell out fast, so we got there early and waited in line for two hours in advance, fortunately it was summer and we could sit on the Grand Illusion patio drinking coffee while we waited. Despite our efforts, the theater is teensy tiny (with a tin ceiling, which is the best ceiling known to interior design, if you ask me), and they sold the last ticket to the guy directly in front of us. Horrors! But the kindly theater dude took pity on me and allowed that maybe we could wait around for another hour or so for the sold out 11 p.m. show, because Mr. Izzard had twelve seats reserved and perhaps his full “entourage” wouldn’t show up. Which we did, and they did not, and so this is how Girl Kid and I saw Revengers Tragedy sitting directly in front of Eddie Izzard and why I am now his wife, even if he doesn’t know it yet. (And that cute twenty-something goth chick he was with can suck on it. He’s mine, bitch.) Eddie was wearing his Sexy tour outfit of six inch platforms, a plaid mini and a belly shirt with “Sexy” written on it in glitter. Shivers. He kicked Girl Kid’s seat with his big shoe several times, and that made her year and is her best celebrity encounter ever, or at least until she becomes Ruler of the Universe, which is inevitable, because it’s only a matter of time until the rest of you submit.

So, to recap: Brad and Angelina are the Pitts; Eddie Izzard is my secret husband; you all must run out and rent all of his shows that you can (Scarecrow Video has them); and, I cannot wait until the PlayStation 3 comes out, because it will play DVDs in PAL format and then I can see the rest of the his comedy shows that haven’t been released in the US yet. And to Mr. Izzard: you are late for dinner, but I forgive you. Call me.


At 9:10 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey sweetie, you didn't lose me. Scare me a little?, absolutely :)

At 10:07 AM , Blogger Mistress Squidia said...

hee hee


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