White Elephant Strikes Again, Now With More Tusk!
Well, I did it: I mailed a box containing, 1) A Hideous Vest, covered in gold and silver beading; 2) Sweater Vest Thing, basically a cube of heavy gray cable knit; 3) Assortment of Pot Holders of Doom, which are three rounds of thin fabric with festive plastic hoops attached, I assume they are for tiny people who like having burned hands; and, 4) A glittery Christmas card stating “Seasons Greetings” in a holiday-friendly loopy typeface. I boxed is all up nicely, and took it the post office, where they gave me quite a bit of trouble about not including a return address. Apparently it will be illegal to send mail without a return address starting January 1st. Okay. Well, from now on I’ll just use the address of my old job for this purpose. The bitches deserve it. Anyway, doing this made me happy all day (I'm easily amused), and was totally woth the $4.01 it cost me to mail the thing.

So, Robert E. Lord of Shoreline, I hope you like your presents. Everyone else, there’s still time! Send someone at random your most hideous household trinket, object d'art or monstrous assault on fashion, then sit back and bask in a cleaner household for the greater good. Of course, if you are a good person, you will donate to Toys for Tots or your local food bank. If you are good. Otherwise, do this.