Two More to Avoid, and Why Are Chicks Are So Messed Up in the Head

Yup, Girl Kid and I took in two more movies so you don't have to (free movies for us, thank god).

First up—Hollywoodland. Here's a movie which seems to have all the right credentials, that just adds up to...nothing much. This movie wants to be LA Confidential, but it falls short. I blame the director, who's done a lot of TV, (Sopranos, Sex and the City), but who's never done a movie before, and the writer, who worked on 21 Jump Street and so is clearly out of his element with the film noire genre. These guys are no Curtis Hansen or Coen Brothers, and that's too bad. Diane Lane squeezes out a partially unflattering portrayal of Toni Mannix, sometime Ziegfeld girl, mistress and wife of Hollywood studio executive Eddie Mannix, and long-time sugar mama of George Reeves, TV's favorite Dork In Tights and Suicide Boy. Adrian Brody proves once again that yes, he can act. But it all adds up to less than something. In fact the only person who will benefit much from Hollywoodland is Ben Affleck, who these days actually HAS to prove that he's worth his SAG card. He does a reasonably decent job, in fact it's the best he's been in years, and even if I didn't like this movie, I hope Ol' Ben keeps trying to make better choices. I like his supposedly less handsome brother Casey much better though, which is another example of how "Hollywood Good Looks" can sometimes ruin a person. "Ugly" people get to have personalities. Verdict? This movie wants to win all sorts of Oscars, but it will only get ones for costuming and maybe cinematography. I was just bored, but Girl Kid hated this movie so much she spent the rest of the night in her room, seething. Save your money, or go rent 200 Cigarettes and see Casey Affleck as a cute punk boy, and Courtney Love bang someone in a bathroom stall. Good times, and Elvis Costello worship too.

Did I ever tell you that Girl Kid and I ran into Elvis Costello at Whole Foods once? We saw Dave Matthews there once too, but I don't like him. Seeing Elvis made me all happy.

Dude...
Today Girl Kid and I went to see The Puffy Chair, which was made by two brothers with a cam-coder and no money, and which made me think that maybe I wasn't watching enough of The Real World. The movie is about a road trip to pick up a Barcalounger bought on eBay....snore. At first I thought maybe I am just getting too old to be interested in the trials and relations of 20-somethings, but Girl Kid thought they were a bunch of whiners too. Also, and hear me on this—couples who engage in baby talk should be shot on sight. The Puffy Chair contains a lot of baby talk, which leas me to....

God, What Is Wrong With Women?
The girl in The Puffy Chair is 26, and just like Maggie Gyllenhaal in Trust the Man, and 90% of the women on iVillage, she just wants her man to commit, to get married, and to start shooting out babies already. She's not really sure why, and even though he constantly calls her "dude", she really, really wants her boyfriend to pop that question already. She's the source of all the baby talk, and her guy goes along with it, but he'd clearly like a break. By the end of the movie, so do we. She throws fits, she wants him to tell her what he loves about her at 12:20 am, she freaks out when her man questions his brother's motives when he marries a woman he just met four hours ago. I think she called him "relationship retarded". Um, someone's retarded alright, but it may not be her boyfriend. I would have been infuriated that the moviemakers were objectifying and stereotyping women in this way, if not for the fact so many women DO act like this. At least there was no evidence of teddie bears. Woman who collect toy bears should also be in the line of fire, if you know what I'm saying. Grown women should not be acting like babies, and neither should they feel as if their sole purpose in life is to get married. God, did the Women's Movement never happen? Maybe I dreamt it. Verdict? As much as I'd like to recommend such true indie fare, I just can't. Try a straight-back chair instead, and shoot baby-talkers for sport.

Now Boy Kid and I are going to watch Rockdorks: Super Trooper webisodes, yeah! Oops, I guess it's Battlestar Galactica webisodes. That's fine too.

More later my snoogum woogum pooty wootie cuties...BANG!