Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Why I Am a Bad Girl And Some Quick Movie Reviews

As you can see, I've been not posting again, but this sad state of affairs (to two people) will be rectified, I promise. Today's post is only to let you know, that like Arnold, "I'll be back." This weekend I post, I swear on a dead squirrel. Or something.

Here's what's been going on:
1) We're moving on December 8th, into a two bedroom apartment. Your mistress will be sleeping on the living room floor for a year until the kiddies are off on their own, and then I'll be moving again. Pity me. So, we're trying to go buddhist and purge all our belongings, with, to-date, limited success. Instead, our house looks like a thrift store blew up in it, which is pretty much the case.

2) I've been HELLA busy at work. I'm finishing the production on a guide book right now, and before and after that there is much pressing on me to get done. This is both the joy and burden of being the sole graphic designer for a medium-sized company. But, I still have a job, so that's one thing.

And, 3) items one and two have left me feeling less than humorous. Murderous, maybe. Not funny. But, I need humor back in my life soon, or something bad is going to happen. I'm not promising anything, but whatever I do will make the news, and we don't want that, now do we?

And until I can take more time to post something lucid and hopefully amusing, here's some movie recommendations in one minute or less:

Until The Devil Knows You're Dead
Avoid at all costs. I know, I know, Philip Seymour Hoffman is usually worth it, and while he's good here, the movie is so painful that for once I have to say, save your money. The only thing that is any fun at all in this dreadful pain in the ass of a movie is that Marisa Tomei spends at least a third of the movie almost completely naked, and damn, for a 43-year old dame, she's one hot chick. And you get Philip completely naked at the movie's open, and while I love him, his flabby flopping butt cheeks are not exactly ready for prime time just now. Sorry. Even though we didn't have to pay for this movie, it was still a waste of time. Don't bother, unless you like to poke your eyes out with sticks on purpose (as there is no accounting for some people's tastes).

Michael Clayton
Go see it. Really. Right now. It's good.

Gone Baby Gone
Also highly recommended. Ben Affleck may not be the greatest actor in the wide world, but he's proven here that he can direct like crazy. And his brother Casey Affleck (the star of this movie), can act, and like how. Plus, I think Casey's a lot cuter as well.

Thirty Days of Night
Um, I lived in the Yukon for four years, and I'm telling you, the sun goes away for a lot longer than thirty days dudes. I know this was based on a comic book, but come on, do your research. Vampires would indeed love it up there during the winter, especially because people are so liquored up over the winter months that they'd probably taste like those little holiday booze-filled chocolates you see in Mr. Liquor Store starting around this time of year. Also, people up north don't all freak out and run for the southern states the minute the sun slips behind the ridge for the last time until spring--they do that when the sun finally appears again in March. Everyone's all, "Hey! The Sun! I forgot about sun! Let's go to Hawaii!" I''m serious--they all drink through the winter (over-proof hot rum toddies anyone?), and am-scray for hotter climates in the spring.

This is a stupid movie, and the vampires are not even that much fun. Don't waste your previous cash dollars on this one.

Dan in Real Life
Most people will like this movie, but I found it a bit too emotionally manipulative. But, it is a documentary about the family of my friend Becka, so there's that. I've stood in that kitchen, but it's not in Rhode Island, it's up a mountain by Fall City.

You can take your mother to this film, she'll probably like it.

Into the Wild
This is a movie about what happens when young men have too much testosterone in their systems. (Spoiler alert--they die.) The only surprising thing is that this kid didn't kill himself earlier. It's also a movie about me at 18 years old, if I'd been a dude and therefore not had any sense at all. My trek to the Yukon had much a similar story, but at least I found a place to live with some other people around who could help me not starve to death or eat poisonous plants. What a 'tard that guy was. Still, it's not a bad movie, and the scenery is very nice. So, you can go to this one. I'll let you. Well, there is that one scene where Emile Hirsch whips his hair around under the shower, water droplets going everywhere while Emile's pecs ripple which made me spew Coke out my nose laughing, but I can let this pass. Still, all the Emile porn made me think that Sean Penn might be gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's possible Robin Wright Penn is a guy.

Now, back to work. Aargh.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home